Here's a screencap of 'Avatar' because it's blue and I want the site traffic.
For the last two years I have been totally convinced that Blu-ray was some bullshit scam to get us to re-buy all of those DVDs we’ve collected since the late nineties. As someone who has amassed a collection of some 600 flicks and television shows on disc, I was not even remotely into the concept. You’re saying I have to spend more money on a player and discs so my greens can look greener? Buh-buh-bullshit. Even my perfect fucking eyesight doesn’t give that much of a shit about digital clarity. It’s not like it’s as far a jump as it was from VHS to DVD.
Then again, it only made sense that I was opposed to the idea considering that I was mad poor around the time of its inception and rise to popularity. The Eric Jesus Grimm is a fickle little thing, so when the DVD player attached to my HDTV went berserker, it only made sense the more financially stable me would opt for a PlayStation 3. After all, in addition to its mindfellating ability to stream Netflix Instant Watch (the most important technological innovation of my life) to my televizzle, that shit has Blu-ray, which I had been told was the only way to watch films.
So I fucking bought into it the same way that I bought into The Last Train From Hiroshima and the musical career of Leighton Meester. Even worse was the fact that I bought into it with a lot of money. I snapped up my PS3, an HDMi cable, and a new copy of Blade Runner: The Ultimate Tricked Out Collector’s Edition Which Only Would’ve Been More Special If It Came in a Bust of Sean Young’s Bust. So I set everything up and popped the shit in ready to nut out of my eyeballs.
Guess what. It wasn’t special. In fact, it was so unspecial that there was a fucking green glare on the screen for most of the flick. This was not the Blu-ray that was supposed to replace the need of food, water, and sex. It was very little surprise to me that I probably had to spend even more money to get the necessary desired experience.
What was surprising was when the guy at Best Buy told me that my ultimate viewing experience was missing one crucial factor: a new television. That’s right, kids. My ten month old television is the equivalent of a Zack Morris cellphone. While the ultimate viewing experience is achieved with a 1080p television, mine only has 720p. Somewhere out there in television land, there’s 360p that was too busy smoking pot and jerking off to pictures of Shannen Doherty to join the party on my television. The result is that my mind has been tricked into thinking Blu-ray is less like the high glamour of Angelina Jolie and more like the only-pretty-when-you-squint Amanda Seyfried.
While I realize that it’s my own shortcomings in purchases which have led to this problem, I feel like someone punched me in the eye but made me feel it in my dick. Higher pay was supposed to mean that I could buy my euphoria in a totally legitimate way. Now I have to drop acid to make this shit look as dazzling as they said it would. Ultimately, I’ll probably continue to buy Blu-ray DVDs and eventually buy a new television, but I’d like to believe there are some of you out there who are somewhat less desperate to remain trendy.
E
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, you are a complete stupid fucking idiot. And you’re not funny. Or even amusing. Or interesting. Just gratingly annoying.
Yes! I was waiting for someone to finally give me some negative feedback.
E
Or any feedback at all, apparently. Feeling like maybe you’re just pissing in the wind? It’s not raining.
Could you elaborate, Jeffrey? I’m not sure how I’m pissing in the wind on this one. It’s all in good humor. Or maybe poorly communicated humor on my part?
E
Since you asked, I can elaborate, but I know it doesn’t matter much what I think. Just one man’s opinion – OK?
I’ve been reading your blog and other posts for quite a while from a distance, and it just seems to me that there’s a lot of self-conscious, hipster BS and not much else. The incessant vulgarity wears me out – am I supposed to be shocked? My comment here was based in my sense that everything you do seems to be designed to get a response – any response – from people you don’t even know. Being pleased that some troll flamed your post doesn’t make any sense to me.
I like you. I think you’re a brilliant guy. I just wish you’d turn your considerable talents to more fruitful pursuits.
For what it’s worth.
I completely appreciate that perspective and that’s more along the lines of the criticism that I’m seeking. It does me no good to be written off without explanation because I have no way to grow from that. That’s the point at which I’m pissing in the wind. What I’ve drawn from your response is that I’ve lost sight of the fact that using vulgarity as a tool to elicit laughter or shock is a cheap way to attempt to get a point across. I think that’s a completely valid argument and I’d be foolish not to consider that. I crave this kind of dialogue. Perhaps I don’t get that point across by cheering on an anonymous ranter, but I’m glad that it moved you to discuss a problem you have with my writing especially if you’ve been following it for some time. Please don’t hesitate to call me out because it doesn’t carry the weightlessness of being “just an opinion” when it’s a well-articulated response.
E